Like most "Real Americans," I hate socialism. As such, I propose we rid ourselves of all of its forms. Until we do, how can we really be a land of freedom?
For instance, my house caught on fire last week. These guys came with a big red truck and sprayed water all over the place. Sure, the fire was out, but what a mess! They also rescued my cat out of a tree while they were there. I hated that cat.
The most infuriating thing is that between wrecking my house with water damage and running up future pet store bills, they told me they were government employees. And get this: they had free health care, and pensions, and job security! I told those socialists to get out and send me the bill later for whatever service they thought they had provided. They said it was free. Something about my taxes paying for it. Well, joke's on them. I've got a great accountant, and I don't really pay taxes (wink, wink).
I went down to the liquor store for some more cigs (I smoked my last one while falling asleep on my couch right before all those guys showed up with their stupid hoses). On the way there, a mugger pulled a gun on me. I was ready to give this fool a total beat-down (I was in my ninja fetal-position trick pose) when a cop car rolled up. These blowhards cornered the scum and arrested him.
Anyway, I figured these guys would want to get paid, but they said their job was to "protect and serve." Apparently, they're also paid by the government. Man, that burns me up. What gives them the right to provide for my protection?
When I got home, there was a message on the machine from my nag of an ex-wife. She says I'm behind on the child support again. I don't know what she's complaining about; what does she need money for? She sure doesn't need it for day care. I mean, the kids go to school during the day for free. Let the teachers babysit 'em! And the oldest is over 18 and in community college, anyway. It costs like $50 a semester. They must not even have buildings or professors or anything.
There's one last thing that really chaps my hide. Did you know there's this giant socialist institution that no one ever talks about, because we're too busy saluting them? Check this out: this massive bunch of freeloaders get free health care for life, free housing, free food, free uniforms, an amazing pension plan, and best yet, basically anyone can join, regardless of his/her qualifications. Plus, you still get paid!
Here's the kicker: The wasteful federal government spends more money on these commies than any other facet of our woeful system. That's right, U.S. Military. I'm lookin' at you. Love it or leave it, baby.
Support the troops? Sorry. I'm no socialist.
Edit 10/25/09: See this chart for further clarification.