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Taylor Swift has put in the work to become the foremost singer/songwriter/pop star of her generation. Nothing was handed to her. She earned it through her talent and sheer force of will. The Eras tour was her crowning achievement, a celebration of her breathtaking canon, and a testament to her seemingly endless well of endurance.
So I get it. I get that she's feeling worn out and on display and endlessly scrutinized. But that's where the similarities between her reality and actual showgirls (like those magnificently portrayed by Anderson and national treasure Jamie Lee Curtis) end.
The Life of a Showgirl feels like a facade, an artifice. It feels tossed off. Worst of all, even when Taylor is clearly depicting aspects of her own life, it feels inauthentic, which is something I've never felt before about one of her albums. Usually when I listen to them, they grow on me, largely due to her lyrical dexterity. This is the first time that I've actually liked the album less with each subsequent visit.
Setting aside the lyrics, I don't particularly care for the sound of this album (the electronic drum loops grow more grating with each listen). I was in the choir calling for an end to her constant collaboration with Jack Antonoff, and I was pretty stoked when it was announced hitmaker Max Martin was back in the mix. Taylor went on Travis' podcast, and we were promised "12 bangers" when in actuality what we got is maybe...one-and-a-half? The record's short, so let's go track-by-track:
1. "Ophelia": When she announced her engagement, she captioned it "Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married," so she clearly fancies herself literary. I don't even teach Hamlet, but it's clear her grasp of the titular character's love interest is facile at best. Still, this is a decent opener and comprises the half of the 1.5 bangers I alluded to above. B
2. "Elizabeth Taylor": Taylor seems determined to drive her younger fans to "search up" Hollywood legends (at least this one is far more current than Clara Bow), and I'm here for it. But this tune isn't it. There's no real chorus, and I honestly don't really "get" the lyrical content. C-
3. "Opalite": Here's the album's lone bop, in the same vein as the bubblegum pop of "22" and "Cruel Summer." Musically, it's kind of an ABBA ripoff, but I love ABBA, so that doesn't bother me. A-
4. "Father Figure": I'm all for "fuck the patriarchy." However (and this is gonna sound so middle-aged man of me, but keep in mind: I am actually a middle-aged man), I don't feel like fighting toxic masculinity with more toxic masculinity is effective. I dislike the image of Taylor as a whiskey swilling mafia don, and yeah, I know how it makes me sound, but I gotta be me: I despise the "I can make deals with the Devil 'cause my dick's bigger" line. "The Man" is a much better version of this subject matter. George Michael deserved better smh. D
5. "Eldest Daughter" One song after declaring what a bad bitch she is, she declares the opposite in the chorus here. This is a pretty but largely forgettable ode to childhood. It's fine. C+
6. "Ruin the Friendship" The tune that feels the most like the authentic Taylor, lyrically anyway. It's wistful, detailed ("while the 50 Cent song played") storytelling, replete with an Abigail shout-out. Perhaps the only song on the album that would fit nicely amidst much stronger work like Red or Folklore. It's also the last song before the album plummets completely off the cliff. A-
7. "Actually Romantic": Taylor is at her worst when taking on other female artists. "Bad Blood" is the worst song on 1989. This isn't Showgirl's nadir (we'll get to that), but it's still mean and feels like she's punching down. Reeks of "I'm not mad; you are" energy. D+
8. "Wi$h Li$t": It seems kinda insincere for one of the world's most rich and famous humans to opine for the simple suburban pleasures of basketball hoop in the driveway, but I'm certainly not here to decry the desire for simple pleasures. She sounds happiest in her new relationship here, in an essentially normal and healthy way. It's not a good song, but at least it's not... C-
9. "Wood": If you'd asked me before this album what my least favorite Taylor Swift song was, I'm not sure how I would've answered. My least favorite hit song is the aforementioned "Bad Blood." There are a lot of songs on Reputation that I dislike. She sings through her nostrils a lot on her first album. But I think this is the first Taylor tune I actually hate. It just feels beneath her. The double entendre references to Travis Kelce's manhood are so juvenile they feel like a 10th grader could've written them. Add in the pseudo porn instrumentals, and this song is about as subtle as one of Jonah Hill's doodles in Superbad. F
10. "Cancelled": Feels like a Reputation B-side, and I don't mean that as a compliment. "Did you girl boss too close to the sun" is cringe-worthy. Not to mention, the whole concept of being "cancelled" hasn't really aged well since Trump's re-election. D
11. "Honey": The most anonymous song on the album. Literally nothing memorable or remarkable about it. Every time I hear it, it's like it's the first time. D
12. "The Life of a Showgirl": Taylor's first collab with Sabrina Carpenter is pretty sweet, musically. The tune builds nicely to the chorus, but that's the sticking point for me, lyrically. Because even though the story is told from the perspective of Kitty, apparently an actual showgirl, who is presumably telling Taylor and Sabrina "You don't know the life of a showgirl, babe/and you're never gonna wanna," it sure feels like the two pop stars are claiming sorority status. The song ends with a live concert crowd noise fade out, emphasizing that although these two multi-millionaires who fly private jets don't share life experiences with lifelong Vegas washouts, their shared kinship surely qualifies them for showgirl status. What this blog presupposes is...maybe they don't? B-
The Life of a Showgirl: D+
The Tortured Poets Department: B
Red: A
Speak Now: A-
Fearless: B+
Taylor Swift: Idk, I don't like country, never listened to it.
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